Notes to Mr. Bacon

I have a blue piggy bank in my room that kids put notes in. Most teachers have some sort of mailbox like this, so kids can let you know things they might not want to face to face. I thought a piggy bank would be cute! I have regretted this decision every time I have to get notes out by cramming my fingers into the damn thing and scrabbling to get wadded up papers. A real mailbox would have been a better call.

I let my first class name the pig, since they enjoyed naming anything and everything. They picked Mr. Bacon. Yep. They named the pig Bacon. Creepy, but at least they gave him the respectful Mr.

I expected that the notes would be things like “so and so is poking me in line” or “the math is hard”. Some of them are. But the majority are just plain weird.

This was today’s:

“Kate- sometimes when you tell us we can’t go to the bathroom because we just went, I have to go again because I tried to go and it wouldn’t come out. I wanted you to know this. Sometimes it takes some tries.”

Duly noted, anonymous kid.

Other past favorites include…

“Do you eat at McDonalds? They have nasty secrets I want to tell you about. The chicken nuggets are not chicken. Who knows what they are. Never eat fast food again.” I appreciated the concern for my welfare, and assured the child in question that I rarely eat fast food. He responded by telling me that he loved Mcnuggets. Go figure.

“The world is a vampire.” Why an 8 year old in 2010 was quoting late 90s rock bands is an unsolved mystery. When asked, she said “That’s from a song?”

“Let’s get a shark for a pet. The kind that eats people.” Honest and direct about purpose, at least.

“For halloween, you should be the tooth fairy. You know why.” I didn’t know why. I still have no idea.”

“For the music in the morning, I suggest Bon Jovi.”

“Yo yo yo. My name is Joe. I came from California with my pants down low.”

Mr. Bacon has seen some things.


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