The Answerers

When you teach, you start to see patterns in how kids answer questions. There are categories, and every kid falls into one.

The Rambler– It does not matter how short the answer is, this child will make it into an epic monologue. “What’s 3 x 3?” is answered “Well, you see, what I did, was I multiplied it, I multiplied the 3, and then I multiplied it by another 3, because that what it says on this paper, so I said to myself, I’m going to multiply that, and I did, and I got 9, which is the answer to this problem, which is 3 x 3.” If you are trying to get through a lesson before the subject ends, you do not call on this kid.

The Jokester– This kid is out for laughs, and you can’t blame them. Sometimes you need it. Other times, you want to throw things at them. For example, the student that responded to the question “What do we call polygons that look different and don’t fit into categories we know?” responded not with ‘irregular polygons’, which was the correct answer but “Michael Jackson.”

The Accidental Jokester– This is the kid whose answers make you want to laugh out loud, but you can’t because they aren’t doing it on purpose and you don’t want to make them feel bad. For example, the child who, when discussing political maps and asked who created the boundary lines between states, answers “God?” and you need to quickly turn your laugh into a snort and pretend to have a cold while the other kids eye the accidental jokester to see if he is genuinely answering this way, or trying to screw with the teacher.

‘I Didn’t Hear the Question’- The Blurters– Their hands are up before you even finish asking the question. Sometimes before you even start. You will need to ask them “Do you have a question?’ frequently, at which point they will shake their head, put their hand down, and shoot it up again as soon as you say a syllable. Often the answer leaves their mouths followed closely by the realization that they actually have no idea  what was asked. Like my old friend who answered a question about American government with “Ballroom dancing!” followed a heartbeat later by “Wait. What was the question?”

‘I Didn’t Hear the Question’- The Delayers- Similar to above, but when they are called on, the realization that they have no idea what was asked comes faster. You’ll say their name and they will say “Oh. I just… I thought… hold on…”

The Questioner- No answer is ever as good as another question. The questions themselves come in all shapes and sizes. Some are simple clarification, some can sidetrack us into off topic but often great discussions, and others are completely, utterly unrelated. “How many moons does Jupiter have?” How do we know any planets have moons? When will we have the technology to send people to Jupiter? What would Galileo think about it? When is lunch?

The Surprise Participant– This is the kid that never, ever raises their hand. When they do, it’s like a beam of light shines down on them and angels sing. They have finally participated of their own free will, and not just because you called on them and made them! Then if the answer is wrong, you feel like a jerk for not accepting it.

The Humble Ones-  These kids are never convinced they are right. Even when the answer is right in front of them, or one that can’t even be wrong (what’s you favorite food?) they preface the question with “So, I’m not sure this is right but…” Often lumped in here are the humblebraggers- “I don’t know if this is right, but I’ve read like 100 books on the subject and my paper on it was accepted by a prestigious academic journal so…”

The Old Faithfuls- They know the answer. You know they know. Their hands aren’t always up, but they participate when they need to. These kids feed on desperate teacher energy. The times when no one at all has correctly answered. When the clock is ticking, when everyone has apparently forgotten something you know for a fact they all knew yesterday, when you feel the desperation rising. You can meet that kid’s eyes. They will raise an eyebrow, just long enough to let you know they have the power, then they will sigh, raise their hands, and answer with devastating correctness. At which point the rest of the class will say “Ohhhh, yeah…” like they knew all along.


One response to “The Answerers

  1. 100% spot on! Love this post, it made me laugh out loud and nod along in agreement. I can name every one of those kids, too. Thanks for a fantastic read. I’m glad I found your blog.

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