– My classroom shares a door between rooms with a fourth grade room next door. While sitting at my desk eating lunch, I heard a conversation between a hysterical boy and the teacher trying to calm him. “He said Tom Brady was old but I said he wasn’t old because he was only 37 and I said your mom is older than that is your mom old and he said ‘yeah, my mom is old, she’s 39’ but MY mom is 42 and SHE’S not old and Tom Brady isn’t old either and…” at this point it trailed off into hiccuping sobs and muttering about football.
– In the morning, when only a few of my kids had arrived, they were working quietly at their tables while other kids trickled in. From down the hall we heard one of the sixth graders in the room next to us bellowing about a dream he had to a friend. “We were all in pickup trucks, and then we saw famous musician Carrie Underwood (this phrase was verbatim, it’s burned into my brain) and she had a machine gun, and she started shooting and we told her not to, but she did it. She killed all those people. Carrie, why?”
– While walking down the hall, I passed an irate second grader who was arguing with his teacher. As he walked away, he muttered “You try holding it for 10 minutes, I have to pee so bad,” At this point he grabbed his crotch, looked me dead in the eye and said “I can feel it in my penis!”
The Tattooed Teacher 